Parenting Choices

I've been seeing a lot of questionable parenting practices lately that have really left me feeling rather incredulous at humanity. Now, I realize that some may argue that I don't know what it's like to deal with the struggles and choices parents make because I am not a mother. Well, be assured that I have spent 3 years caring for children from six months to almost five years old, I've cared for twins, siblings of much different ages and individually. Trust me when I tell you that these are choices I have never made when caring for any of my "other" kids.

I saw some sad, sad choices being made when I attended an early morning showing of The Dark Knight Rises. First, I know Batman is super cool and kids love Batman, but common sense dictates (especially if you saw The Dark Knight) that this is a violent movie. The fact that I saw countless children, and yes, I'm talking ages 6 and under, at this movie is entirely inappropriate. I know your Batman loving 5-year-old really wants to see Batman, but as a parent you have to tell them no. If this was a movie appropriate for a child that age, it would be rated G. Please remember that. 

Also, and this terribly disturbed me, a man and a woman walked in with their infant. First, this was an IMAX showing, which is like sitting with a live band right next to your ear for the 2 hours and 45 minutes this movie is on. Understanding the sight and hearing developments an infant is enduring, the loud BOOMS and bright flashes of light on the movie screen are NOT good for an infant. Plus, how can you properly care for your child when you're engrossed in, what was, an awesome movie? Leave your child at home. If you can't get a sitter, wait a few more days to see the movie. You made the choice to have a child, and now that child's needs come before your desires to see a movie the day it comes out.

Temper Tantrums. It's inevitable. But, what I have witnessed all summer long is parents who have been giving in to tantrums. I know they're exhausting, embarrassing, and wholly inconvenient, but, strong discipline is essential to eliminating these episodes. So, getting your kid that toy just to shut them up may work for the time being, so you can get your shopping done, but it only teaches them that tantrums work. Really, what needs to happen is that when a tantrum occurs, you leave the store, teaching your child that it doesn't work and that they need to use their words to explain what they want and accept the answer of no. It's a long hard road, but, the benefits outweigh what you'll spend in buying your child everything they demand and raising an obnoxious child, who's used to getting everything they want. If that's too much, don't bring your kids shopping. Again, your child's needs come first. If you can't arrange for someone to watch your child while you shop, wait to shop. Or, teach them how to behave in public. Either is good. 

Swearing in front of your kid. As an avid curser, I understand that slips happen. Sometimes, that one time you slipped was enough to teach your kid a new word. The problem occurs when people laugh at the kid who's cursing because we find it amusing in their sweet, higher pitched voices. That only teaches children that they're gaining your positive attention and they'll keep doing it. The best choice here, if your child repeats your slip, is to be upfront with your kid. Explain that the word is not nice and it wasn't right of you to use it and apologize to your child for saying it. You'd be amazed at how well this explanation works with kids both young and older. For those who do it all the time, please stop. Your 3-year-old doesn't need to hear about the asshole you work with, while you're on the phone with whomever in the checkout line. Again, you made the choice to have a child. Now you have to make changes to your vocabulary around that child. 

Being rude to store employees in front of your child. I remember, in my bookstore days, a woman who came into the store with her 7 or 8-year-old to return a book. The receipt was well past the 90 days and we couldn't provide the return. The woman went from kind to evil demon spawn in less than a second. While her child stared up at us, she jumped right into calling me stupid for working in a retail establishment and challenged my goals in life for working there (even though by that point I held a masters degree and was just struggling to find work in my field, not that she cared to know), and then argued with me about how I could do the return, I just wouldn't. When I showed her both the part on the receipt and the sign above my head that explained the policy, she looked to her son, who watched us the whole time, and asked him if he agreed that I was stupid for not just doing the return and he, of course, agreed with his mom and looked me in the eyes and told me I was stupid. So, she taught him 1) it's okay to demean employees, 2) that the rules don't apply to you, 3) name calling is acceptable amongst adults. It's occasions like this where I wish having children involved an application process. 

Suffice it to say, I'm a little frustrated. I wish parents would show better judgement and remember that having children isn't something you just do, it's a life change and a choice. 

In the name of religion...

We live in a world full of differences: races, sexual preferences, opinions, truths, and religion. What's great about being an American is that legally no one can persecuted for having these differences. But, what about morally and ethically? The one thing about being a member of a society that allows all these differences is that eventually, you will encounter someone who disagrees with you. While disagreeing is perfectly legal and our right as Americans, some take it too far.
I'm currently reading Richard Dawkins' thought provoking book, The God Delusion, which, regardless of your religious preferences, forces the reader to examine where we all stand in regard to religion and what it means to be a part of any religious camp. So many things happen in the name of religion: wars, attacks, hate crimes--nearly all of which are of the negative. I've never understood how bombing or attacking another group of people in the name of religion is a good thing or something to be proud of. If that's the truth, then that is a God/religion that I don't want any part of, and that includes the people who follow it.
Luckily, in this country, very few groups or individuals attack entire communities or cities in the name of religion, but individual attacks occur on a much too regular basis. In a study from 2009, 51% of hate crimes are race hate crimes, with 69% percent of those being against blacks and crimes against hispanics are quickly rising (Hate Crimes in America). Not that it needs reminding, but there are also far too many crimes against people for their sexual preferences and for their non-christian and non-catholic religious preferences.
While some hate crimes are simply, pardon the conclusion, as black and white as "I hate all these people" most hate crimes occur because the "haters" believe their religion teaches them that this behavior or activity is wrong. In 2007, Arkansas republican group leader Patrick Briney stated that hate crime laws are flawed because it "punish[es] people for their opinions" (Five Reasons to Oppose Hate Crime Bills). I think what scares me the most is that he may be implying that it's okay to think that all homosexuals should die because "the Bible teaches us that homosexuality is a sin" you just need to control yourself enough to go ahead and not harm them, but know in your heart that god will punish them (FRtOHCB).
He also argues that hate crime bills favor certain groups in providing additional protection because of their differences, which is unfair and violates everyone else's protection rights. I say, it's easy for someone who's not a target to make a statement like that. When you don't have to worry about being a part of a group or organization that people feel is morally wrong because it's written so in an ambiguously written book from much too long ago, it's easy to say that people don't need extra protection. Yet, on the hypocritical flip side, after 9/11 any "brown" skinned person that anyone thought was al-Qaeda was threatened, assaulted, afraid to leave their homes because everyone else blamed them by association for the attacks. And he's saying that extra protection isn't necessary?
After all this time, I just don't understand why an individual can call themselves a devoted religious person, and then beat someone to near death because they are attracted to their own sex or because they remind us of someone else who has wronged us.
While I agree that as a country we are moving forward as far as being open and understanding to people who chose to live differently than the social norm, but I definitely see those who cling to religion as a reason to harm these people becoming more and more radical in their actions. It scares me. There's also not an equal level of freedom expression accepted amongst the populace. Dawkins writes about how religion is the one thing that people can't speak outwardly against without severe retaliation. I ask why? If we can put someone down for being a non-christian and feel okay about it, why can't anyone outwardly speak against religious activists? It's a strange tightrope to walk. Why can't people involved in the public be honest about what they really believe without scrutiny to the public? Do we really think an athiest president would do a worse job of being president than a christian? Are we really afraid an athiest teacher teaching in a private school will corrupt his/her students? These things show me that freedom and acceptance of differences is still set in the future.

In case you want to look into the statistics or anything else mentioned:
Briney, Patrick (2007). Five reasons to oppose hate crime bills. Arkansas republican assembly. Retrieved from: http://www.arragopwing.com/hatecrimesposition.html.
Dawkins, Richard. (2006). The god delusion. New York: Houghton Mifflin Publishing.
Leadership for Conferences for Civil and Human Rights. (2009). Hate crimes in america: The nature and magnitude of the problem. The leadership conference. Retrieved from: http://www.civilrights.org/publications/hatecrimes/nature-and-magnitude.html.

homeowner woes and fur-mom concerns

It's been an insane few weeks in our household. We finally had our patio installed, although the process was certainly taxing.

It took longer than the 2 days that we were told, which wouldn't be a huge problem except that the workers never told us and just left, right before the 4th holiday, so they didn't return for two days. So, upon figuring out on our own that they were gone, we had to cancel our 4th plans last minute. On top of that, they left machinery and junk in the yard and two fence panels off the fence for the entire four days it took to install the patio. This problem was exacerbated by our new family edition:

Without fence panels and with materials in the yard, our fur-pup, Katniss, was unable to play in the yard and we had to put a hold on outside potty training. She then started using the carpet as her toilet. Once the guys left, and the house was again quiet, she returned to using the pee pads that she was previously trained on.

This brings me to our current state of things: we have an awesome dog who is cute, loving, and mostly listens, BUT doesn't understand that outside is the bathroom and she escapes from every device or room she is held in when my husband and I leave the house.
First, we bought a doggie gate and put it in the laundry room doorway. This is the room where her pee pad is, so we thought she could potty there and we put a doggie bed with toys within. What does she do? She learns to jump the fence.
We then go out to an event for the 4th and we put her back in the room, this time with an ottoman blocking the gate and four boxes on top of it to discourage jumping. What does she do? She jumps and bites on the lower box, pulling it toward her so the top box falls in her room and she can then jump the box and ottoman and escape.
Then, I order a play pen/crate. She came from a home that kept her crated a lot, so I didn't want to buy a cage crate. We left yesterday for 30 minutes. She tore through thick canvas to create a small, 5 inch rip and escaped.
Needless to say, yesterday I bought a cage crate. We practiced her going in the crate, praising her and even sitting there with the door closed. We then closed her in and went upstairs for about 5 minutes. Nothing but crying and trying to escape. I'm honestly not convinced this cage will detain her, but I'm more worried about her hurting herself trying to get out. She has intense separation anxiety--she was left alone a lot at her last home.

I'm definitely looking for some house training suggestions.